were not missing you witches

witchy photo shoot today with cely and abrianna. i made the cape we used. i think it went pretty okay for our first, random photoshoot. i loved the concepts we all had to offer, but i would have changed one thing, i sorta wanted some to be taken during the night but i guess ill have to settle. all in all, it went good. cant wait for the next one, right?
p.s.- we all put in the effort to be "photographers"
haha.

until next time,

frank

in love with night

the night lovesme so. the day is garish, but the sun seems to give me direction. no work yet, but trying to keep up the times. i feel in a state of suspended time. i can brarly even work my sisters phone.. good thing/ who cares. i dont. thats all that matters. just as long as i never care. right? when i see you again, and i know were gonna see the day that oone is around, so were going to have to talk, im not gonna say i still think of you. im not gonna say i still have those strong feelings. im just going to hold my tongue. ive caused too much destruction. so i love you night, you know me well.

“We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all.”

"I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others -- The only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad."

"Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."

"Why are you leaving me?
He wrote, I do not know how to live.
I do not know either but I am trying.
I do not know how to try.
There were some things I wanted to tell him.
But I knew they would hurt him.
So i buried them and let them hurt me"

"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else. He knew that it is, by love's definition, impossible to love two people.

“I did not need to know if he could love me. I needed to know if he could need me.”

"That’s been my problem. I miss what I already have, and I surround myself with things that are missing.”

dream with me, dear.

i woke up next to your dreaming body, and it was like something familiar, but new. all in all, your just being there next to me gives my spine chills and you cause my lungs to feel asphyxiation, although it may sound bad, its actually a compliment, dear. i held your arm and you layed closer, my foot met your leg and turned your face to mine, now we lay close, to feel the others breathing pattern, and an occasional opening of my eyes to see your face with the blue glow of 6:00 a.m., only my hand and your arm caressing, this is the feeling i've been searching, but i know this life all too well, you came from my dreams to both love me and cause me true pain, for i cannot have you, dear. see, you are only my dream i was awake, but your body was asleep, also fully aware i was right next to you, wanting my arms around you. and you know as well the slight pain it causes. this love is like no other, it can exist only in dreams, only during sleep, or daydreams through out the day, or sleepless nights when your not there. i cannot say good-bye to you so fast, i cannot let you go so easily, but you and i know that we have dream to keep us close, to keep your rosed wrist wrapped around me, keeping me in your dreams. keeping you in mine. surrendering to this, would be an event so... surreal.


(painting by: esao andrews(he has the best surreal work other than dali, i think.))

your my runaway

the person i runaway with will be nice, and understanding, but just as dumb as i am, but just as pensive as i am. he'll be into me and i'll wanna jump his bones alot, but we'll hold hands and spit in the faces of people who look at us funny. he'll give me piggy back rides when my feet start to bleed and we'll lay in the grass and look into the night sky. we'll make eachother laugh at other peoples' unaware expense, and his smile will be the silver lining, even if his teeth aren't straight. we won't be perfect, nor perfect for eachother, but we'll know how happy we are by the way we'd look into eachothers eyes, and the way we kiss so casualy. we'll know we'll be okay just as long as we're next to eachother, and when we've had enough of eachother we'll scream and punch, but once i grab his hair to kiss his lips, i know he'll forgive me. we'll eat burgers and share shakes. and once we've felt we've reached our destination, there we'll lay our heads and feel nomore sullen aches in our chests, or have our minds take over the lies we percieved so many times. He'll be my runaway.

i hate twilight movies, they're so typical and expecting too much. like a despreate person... but damn are the soundtracks good

Pretty bad

pretty bad, strangers live at my "home", i sleep on a blanket on the rfloor and i cant' seem to find a job or a lover.. but i get a little from my better half of the family(jim, tim, jeremy) oh and cely. its almost like i forget about home when im with them. i cant wait for the day that i just pack my little bit of items and leave. it'd be easy if i had a job, but nothing is easy anymore. not even thinking is easy. think too much for my own good.. i miss my old friends and i miss my old self. the world isnt going to end, it just means the times are'a changin'. song to listen to is daylight by matt&kim. i hate wearing shoes but i like skateboarding everywhere. i walk/board everywhere now, and take the bus, with my people i ike to be around. im also learning how to play guitar! im fuckin stoked for that. i want that queercore band thing to get rolling but seems like im gonna have to do everything on my own. like getting people who know how to play, writing the music, and basically just getting things together. the thing isnt to get "big" its just to say something with meaning, and hopefully people will listen or the next track will scream it to them, hah. life right now feels like its only starting, i feel very youthful, and with lots of good energy dispite all odds. lets see where this thing takes me...

(darby)

so, for once in my life, let me get what i want, lord knows it would be the first time:

haven't had a dream in a long time

so i can't sleep. well, when people are"supposed" to. my sleeping pattern is just so off. i don't want it to change, but i want someone to slepp with me when i do. is that too much? OH!!! and me, cely, and chanel are gonna start a queercore band:) pretty much a "punk" band but singing about gay issues, such as, lame closeted guys/girls/trannys, people hating on us cause we know how to be cool and dress nice, and everything we like doing to/with our fellow gender. i don't know whos doing what but it might not be as punk as expected.... we'll see. but i do know, i want it to happen, and i know cely will be with me to do it no matter the cause or effect. i don't wanna make it big, i just feel this is something to be doing right now. and yes, we're krustys. but we didn't even know what that before cely's boyfriend, eddie, who is a punk, told us and explained and stressed that krustys didn't shower or we're actually poor. he also told me that our junior year when we had class, me n eddie, he was calling me a krusty in his head and some of his friends made fun of me and called me krusty, but i know im hated. i don't care. unless your my "friend". but even then its okay. good times for a change.
till next time mon cherie,
-frank





ps- she and him's cover of the smiths- please please please let me get what i want IS SOOO GOOOD. listen.love.dream

i want to get lost in a bottle of vodka, or a bottle of whip its. i just need to be somewhere else where none of this can get me again. where noone can break my broken heart again. where they can't disappoint me. they've cut my wings, but i feel them wanting to break my skin and take me away. and i need you with me on this trip to nowhere, to this place where i can smile and it won't have to mean im pretending to be happy. i'd rather her think im happy than to let her see me sad and waste "concerned" feelings on me. i know i can be happy, cause i once was, but i know now, not here. not on this floor, not in this hole in the wall. i love my friends, i love my mom and sisters and brothers, but we're all lost because of you, because you didn't care for a while, and now you don't but only for a little while. i know only for a little. only thing is, is that im older, and now i don't care as much as i did when i was younger. now i can leave and you can't stop me. your bad decisions won't phase me as much... hopefully

fun?

(cho-licia, hopeee, cely, ben, and i(not in that particular order))

i've never had so much fun in a place that i completly dispise(downtown san antonio)!!!! but yesterday was oooo different and fun. everything fely care free anf nothing was bothering any of us like stupid as in byfriends, stupid boys trying to holla and anyone getting mad for no reason. i think its the people im with or the things they let bother them, which are usually stupid reasons at that. i wish everyone was dependent and didn't let other people make them feel like crap. i know it's more complicated to that, i've been in some bad stuff, but now i can see that not one person can make me feel so down and low that they have satisfaction knowing they make me feel like that. i cant let any one do that to me anymore, i have more respect for myself and my heart. Humans need to realize how beautiful and precious we are, and shouldn't let another make us feel lesser. we're all the same and in my eyes we're all worth more.

my art is my sanity. obviously, im better at it now.

At the foot of my feet.

in the midst of all this fuzz, i see a cloud with the voice of a man in front of me. and it tells me to look up and then down into a little broken mirrior at the foot of my feet, and i see myself in the shattered glass relection, alone and with my head down, yet again. and i ask the inigma, "am i to find my lover? near the whole in the wall i crawled out of? or near a cascade of water falling to my hands?". he said nothing, and to my amazement, i was only talking to the reflection of nothing at the foot of my feet. and thats when i asked, "when will i find my trashed lover? as i am trashed." i don't think opposites attract, cause if they did i wouldn't be gay. i think broken people find other broken peices, and when you think you can't go on searching for another, someone else finally picks up their last peice, but it turns out to be someone that hasn't been broken fully, just a little. so you end up being the small peice to someone elses broken piece, with the tiniest fragmented hole. you might find that your the last peice to someone elses broken mirror and all they needed was for you to stop feeling sorry for yourself. and realize your not broken, but that your a peice of someone elses broken mirror. so i ask me again, "when will i find my trashed lover?"

however

in whatever way it is you got here, thanks. i'll be looking at others' blogs to see whichones i like and and hopefully yours will be one. weekdays and weekends are the best.