“We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all.”

"I am not sad, he would repeat to himself over and over, I am not sad. As if he might one day convince himself. Or fool himself. Or convince others -- The only thing worse than being sad is for others to know that you are sad."

"Does it break my heart, of course, every moment of every day, into more pieces than my heart was made of, I never thought of myself as quiet, much less silent, I never thought about things at all, everything changed, the distance that wedged itself between me and my happiness wasn't the world, it wasn't the bombs and burning buildings, it was me, my thinking, the cancer of never letting go, is ignorance bliss, I don't know, but it's so painful to think, and tell me, what did thinking ever do for me, to what great place did thinking ever bring me? I think and think and think, I've thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it."

"Why are you leaving me?
He wrote, I do not know how to live.
I do not know either but I am trying.
I do not know how to try.
There were some things I wanted to tell him.
But I knew they would hurt him.
So i buried them and let them hurt me"

"I love you also means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else. He knew that it is, by love's definition, impossible to love two people.

“I did not need to know if he could love me. I needed to know if he could need me.”

"That’s been my problem. I miss what I already have, and I surround myself with things that are missing.”

dream with me, dear.

i woke up next to your dreaming body, and it was like something familiar, but new. all in all, your just being there next to me gives my spine chills and you cause my lungs to feel asphyxiation, although it may sound bad, its actually a compliment, dear. i held your arm and you layed closer, my foot met your leg and turned your face to mine, now we lay close, to feel the others breathing pattern, and an occasional opening of my eyes to see your face with the blue glow of 6:00 a.m., only my hand and your arm caressing, this is the feeling i've been searching, but i know this life all too well, you came from my dreams to both love me and cause me true pain, for i cannot have you, dear. see, you are only my dream i was awake, but your body was asleep, also fully aware i was right next to you, wanting my arms around you. and you know as well the slight pain it causes. this love is like no other, it can exist only in dreams, only during sleep, or daydreams through out the day, or sleepless nights when your not there. i cannot say good-bye to you so fast, i cannot let you go so easily, but you and i know that we have dream to keep us close, to keep your rosed wrist wrapped around me, keeping me in your dreams. keeping you in mine. surrendering to this, would be an event so... surreal.


(painting by: esao andrews(he has the best surreal work other than dali, i think.))

your my runaway

the person i runaway with will be nice, and understanding, but just as dumb as i am, but just as pensive as i am. he'll be into me and i'll wanna jump his bones alot, but we'll hold hands and spit in the faces of people who look at us funny. he'll give me piggy back rides when my feet start to bleed and we'll lay in the grass and look into the night sky. we'll make eachother laugh at other peoples' unaware expense, and his smile will be the silver lining, even if his teeth aren't straight. we won't be perfect, nor perfect for eachother, but we'll know how happy we are by the way we'd look into eachothers eyes, and the way we kiss so casualy. we'll know we'll be okay just as long as we're next to eachother, and when we've had enough of eachother we'll scream and punch, but once i grab his hair to kiss his lips, i know he'll forgive me. we'll eat burgers and share shakes. and once we've felt we've reached our destination, there we'll lay our heads and feel nomore sullen aches in our chests, or have our minds take over the lies we percieved so many times. He'll be my runaway.

i hate twilight movies, they're so typical and expecting too much. like a despreate person... but damn are the soundtracks good