dream with me, dear.

i woke up next to your dreaming body, and it was like something familiar, but new. all in all, your just being there next to me gives my spine chills and you cause my lungs to feel asphyxiation, although it may sound bad, its actually a compliment, dear. i held your arm and you layed closer, my foot met your leg and turned your face to mine, now we lay close, to feel the others breathing pattern, and an occasional opening of my eyes to see your face with the blue glow of 6:00 a.m., only my hand and your arm caressing, this is the feeling i've been searching, but i know this life all too well, you came from my dreams to both love me and cause me true pain, for i cannot have you, dear. see, you are only my dream i was awake, but your body was asleep, also fully aware i was right next to you, wanting my arms around you. and you know as well the slight pain it causes. this love is like no other, it can exist only in dreams, only during sleep, or daydreams through out the day, or sleepless nights when your not there. i cannot say good-bye to you so fast, i cannot let you go so easily, but you and i know that we have dream to keep us close, to keep your rosed wrist wrapped around me, keeping me in your dreams. keeping you in mine. surrendering to this, would be an event so... surreal.


(painting by: esao andrews(he has the best surreal work other than dali, i think.))

your my runaway

the person i runaway with will be nice, and understanding, but just as dumb as i am, but just as pensive as i am. he'll be into me and i'll wanna jump his bones alot, but we'll hold hands and spit in the faces of people who look at us funny. he'll give me piggy back rides when my feet start to bleed and we'll lay in the grass and look into the night sky. we'll make eachother laugh at other peoples' unaware expense, and his smile will be the silver lining, even if his teeth aren't straight. we won't be perfect, nor perfect for eachother, but we'll know how happy we are by the way we'd look into eachothers eyes, and the way we kiss so casualy. we'll know we'll be okay just as long as we're next to eachother, and when we've had enough of eachother we'll scream and punch, but once i grab his hair to kiss his lips, i know he'll forgive me. we'll eat burgers and share shakes. and once we've felt we've reached our destination, there we'll lay our heads and feel nomore sullen aches in our chests, or have our minds take over the lies we percieved so many times. He'll be my runaway.

i hate twilight movies, they're so typical and expecting too much. like a despreate person... but damn are the soundtracks good

Pretty bad

pretty bad, strangers live at my "home", i sleep on a blanket on the rfloor and i cant' seem to find a job or a lover.. but i get a little from my better half of the family(jim, tim, jeremy) oh and cely. its almost like i forget about home when im with them. i cant wait for the day that i just pack my little bit of items and leave. it'd be easy if i had a job, but nothing is easy anymore. not even thinking is easy. think too much for my own good.. i miss my old friends and i miss my old self. the world isnt going to end, it just means the times are'a changin'. song to listen to is daylight by matt&kim. i hate wearing shoes but i like skateboarding everywhere. i walk/board everywhere now, and take the bus, with my people i ike to be around. im also learning how to play guitar! im fuckin stoked for that. i want that queercore band thing to get rolling but seems like im gonna have to do everything on my own. like getting people who know how to play, writing the music, and basically just getting things together. the thing isnt to get "big" its just to say something with meaning, and hopefully people will listen or the next track will scream it to them, hah. life right now feels like its only starting, i feel very youthful, and with lots of good energy dispite all odds. lets see where this thing takes me...

(darby)

so, for once in my life, let me get what i want, lord knows it would be the first time:

haven't had a dream in a long time

so i can't sleep. well, when people are"supposed" to. my sleeping pattern is just so off. i don't want it to change, but i want someone to slepp with me when i do. is that too much? OH!!! and me, cely, and chanel are gonna start a queercore band:) pretty much a "punk" band but singing about gay issues, such as, lame closeted guys/girls/trannys, people hating on us cause we know how to be cool and dress nice, and everything we like doing to/with our fellow gender. i don't know whos doing what but it might not be as punk as expected.... we'll see. but i do know, i want it to happen, and i know cely will be with me to do it no matter the cause or effect. i don't wanna make it big, i just feel this is something to be doing right now. and yes, we're krustys. but we didn't even know what that before cely's boyfriend, eddie, who is a punk, told us and explained and stressed that krustys didn't shower or we're actually poor. he also told me that our junior year when we had class, me n eddie, he was calling me a krusty in his head and some of his friends made fun of me and called me krusty, but i know im hated. i don't care. unless your my "friend". but even then its okay. good times for a change.
till next time mon cherie,
-frank





ps- she and him's cover of the smiths- please please please let me get what i want IS SOOO GOOOD. listen.love.dream

i want to get lost in a bottle of vodka, or a bottle of whip its. i just need to be somewhere else where none of this can get me again. where noone can break my broken heart again. where they can't disappoint me. they've cut my wings, but i feel them wanting to break my skin and take me away. and i need you with me on this trip to nowhere, to this place where i can smile and it won't have to mean im pretending to be happy. i'd rather her think im happy than to let her see me sad and waste "concerned" feelings on me. i know i can be happy, cause i once was, but i know now, not here. not on this floor, not in this hole in the wall. i love my friends, i love my mom and sisters and brothers, but we're all lost because of you, because you didn't care for a while, and now you don't but only for a little while. i know only for a little. only thing is, is that im older, and now i don't care as much as i did when i was younger. now i can leave and you can't stop me. your bad decisions won't phase me as much... hopefully