Pretty bad

pretty bad, strangers live at my "home", i sleep on a blanket on the rfloor and i cant' seem to find a job or a lover.. but i get a little from my better half of the family(jim, tim, jeremy) oh and cely. its almost like i forget about home when im with them. i cant wait for the day that i just pack my little bit of items and leave. it'd be easy if i had a job, but nothing is easy anymore. not even thinking is easy. think too much for my own good.. i miss my old friends and i miss my old self. the world isnt going to end, it just means the times are'a changin'. song to listen to is daylight by matt&kim. i hate wearing shoes but i like skateboarding everywhere. i walk/board everywhere now, and take the bus, with my people i ike to be around. im also learning how to play guitar! im fuckin stoked for that. i want that queercore band thing to get rolling but seems like im gonna have to do everything on my own. like getting people who know how to play, writing the music, and basically just getting things together. the thing isnt to get "big" its just to say something with meaning, and hopefully people will listen or the next track will scream it to them, hah. life right now feels like its only starting, i feel very youthful, and with lots of good energy dispite all odds. lets see where this thing takes me...

(darby)

so, for once in my life, let me get what i want, lord knows it would be the first time:

haven't had a dream in a long time

so i can't sleep. well, when people are"supposed" to. my sleeping pattern is just so off. i don't want it to change, but i want someone to slepp with me when i do. is that too much? OH!!! and me, cely, and chanel are gonna start a queercore band:) pretty much a "punk" band but singing about gay issues, such as, lame closeted guys/girls/trannys, people hating on us cause we know how to be cool and dress nice, and everything we like doing to/with our fellow gender. i don't know whos doing what but it might not be as punk as expected.... we'll see. but i do know, i want it to happen, and i know cely will be with me to do it no matter the cause or effect. i don't wanna make it big, i just feel this is something to be doing right now. and yes, we're krustys. but we didn't even know what that before cely's boyfriend, eddie, who is a punk, told us and explained and stressed that krustys didn't shower or we're actually poor. he also told me that our junior year when we had class, me n eddie, he was calling me a krusty in his head and some of his friends made fun of me and called me krusty, but i know im hated. i don't care. unless your my "friend". but even then its okay. good times for a change.
till next time mon cherie,
-frank





ps- she and him's cover of the smiths- please please please let me get what i want IS SOOO GOOOD. listen.love.dream

i want to get lost in a bottle of vodka, or a bottle of whip its. i just need to be somewhere else where none of this can get me again. where noone can break my broken heart again. where they can't disappoint me. they've cut my wings, but i feel them wanting to break my skin and take me away. and i need you with me on this trip to nowhere, to this place where i can smile and it won't have to mean im pretending to be happy. i'd rather her think im happy than to let her see me sad and waste "concerned" feelings on me. i know i can be happy, cause i once was, but i know now, not here. not on this floor, not in this hole in the wall. i love my friends, i love my mom and sisters and brothers, but we're all lost because of you, because you didn't care for a while, and now you don't but only for a little while. i know only for a little. only thing is, is that im older, and now i don't care as much as i did when i was younger. now i can leave and you can't stop me. your bad decisions won't phase me as much... hopefully

fun?

(cho-licia, hopeee, cely, ben, and i(not in that particular order))

i've never had so much fun in a place that i completly dispise(downtown san antonio)!!!! but yesterday was oooo different and fun. everything fely care free anf nothing was bothering any of us like stupid as in byfriends, stupid boys trying to holla and anyone getting mad for no reason. i think its the people im with or the things they let bother them, which are usually stupid reasons at that. i wish everyone was dependent and didn't let other people make them feel like crap. i know it's more complicated to that, i've been in some bad stuff, but now i can see that not one person can make me feel so down and low that they have satisfaction knowing they make me feel like that. i cant let any one do that to me anymore, i have more respect for myself and my heart. Humans need to realize how beautiful and precious we are, and shouldn't let another make us feel lesser. we're all the same and in my eyes we're all worth more.

my art is my sanity. obviously, im better at it now.